I can’t help but wish Donald J. Trump a long life and good health – but only if he loses the next American presidential election in a resounding landslide.
Unfortunately, the only punishment a dim narcissist like Trump would understand for putting the whole world through misery for four years – and for likely shortening the lifespan of the human species itself through his disastrous environmental, industrial and foreign policies – would be to make him endure many long years of utter humiliation stewing over his loss, preferably while he is in prison serving time for whichever of several serious charges stick.
As an atheist, I don’t have the luxury of imagining that when Trump dies he’ll pass into an afterlife ruled by a highly judgmental deity who’ll make the ex-president suffer for the ills he caused during his time on Earth. In fact, even if there is some kind of after-death plane of existence, there’s no guarantee that Earthly criminal and morality standards would have any bearing on what happens there, no matter how much anyone prays.
That means we have to stick it to the “fucking moron” (as his close associates call him) while we can, while he’s still alive and lucid. So, with any luck, the many indications of his extreme ill health are all misleading.
Maybe his odd forward-leaning stance, difficulty walking, apathy, bad temper, slurred speech, inappropriate behavior, impulsiveness and muscular weakness are not symptoms of an advancing frontotemporal dementia, as many have speculated. Maybe he’s just naturally lazy and boorish and wears over-sized vanity lifts in his shoes.
Maybe his sudden, poorly explained hospital visits weren’t emergency calls, but actually the impromptu and unnecessary check-ups his staff claimed they were. Maybe his morbid obesity, likely brought on by eating too much junk food and avoiding exercise like the plague (so to speak), isn’t as bad as it looks. Maybe the president really is hale and hearty, despite all appearances.
Perhaps Donald Trump is in such good shape he’ll have to spend the next few decades in a tiny cell with a non-gold-plated toilet (locked away for tax evasion, or money laundering, or sexual assault, or obstruction of justice, or treason, or a combination of the above) and no wifi. Maybe he’ll have nothing to do but mull over the undeniable fact that a majority of the American people disliked him and all his works so much they couldn’t wait to kick him out of office and into prison.
That would indeed be just punishment.
But, of course, if Trump pulls off a win in November, a promptly rupturing aneurysm would definitely come in handy (should any judgmental deity be listening).